On Tuesday, I decided to comment on a news article. Nothing crazy – just gave my opinion on a local project that seemed absurdly expensive. Seventeen minutes later, I was called a fascist, a comunist, an enemy of progress, and… my personal favorite, “boomer with keyboard diarreah,” by somebody named “TruthWarrior426.”
Allow me to welcome you to internet arguments.
The internet is a cesspool of impatience and aggression where subtlety goes to die and every opinion is subject to violence.
The days of having actual physical human interaction to hash out our differences are long gone. Previously, you would share your opinion at Thanksgiving dinner.
Then someone would disagree and you would either engage in constructive conversation or not speak to each other for the rest of the holiday. Either way, some basic human decency kept most people from calling their uncle’s fiancé’s brother a “socialist who hopes for the downfall of America.”
Online, those lines were replaced with unlimited cruelty and an arms race to see who could aggress more, as whoever could type fastest would become “winner” by forcing the other person to surrender. I’ve watched well meaning adults transform into people they no longer recognize during an argument about who cut Kurt Cobain’s hair best.
And they’re screaming and yelling with their big guns made of ‘capital letters and exclamation points’® when in reality they’re holding get squeezed if they come any closer. Friend of mine name Harold, decided he no longer wanted to be an accountant so he quit and went back. He actually went BACK to his job, because they overpaid him.
Harold now wakes up every morning and searches Facebook for people to get into political arguments with. “I need to educate these dipshits,” he said one morning to me over coffee. His eyes were red from waking up at 2AM shouting at strangers about tax legislation.
The same Harold who still has his daughter set his Ev violated reminders can’t understand why his arguments are never changing lives one comment at a time, and I hope I’m joking. What’s even worse is how many people want to perceive the worst intention of what you’re saying. Earlier this year, I commented on an article about local wildlife that it seemed like our neighborhood raccoon was getting too comfortable around humans.
That same day, I was bombarded with people believing I was an exterminator of raccoons everywhere and received a Facebook message that simply said “MURDERER” 47 times. Also yes I counted. Then you have people’s inability to just state their opinion without needing to attach ten others to it.
As I’m sure you guys know, there’s this weird trend lately where people feel the need to share their opinion on literally everything to exhibit moral high ground. An opinion I not only agree with, but saw played out right in front of me. My nephew was doing this one night at dinner.
My brother brought up a new environmental issue he heard about and my nephew took the opportunity to wow us with his knowledge by typing up a passionate 300-word rant about it mid-conversation. I asked him what else he planned on doing besides using his words and he looked at me as if I asked him if he enjoyed the taste of his own blood. “Raising awareness is enough,” he said before grabbing a third burger.
Let’s be real, raising awareness does **** all but cause trolls to eat your lungs while you sleep. Nothing about arguing online solves anything. Studies have shown-, and life has taught me-, when you sit behind a computer and type comments you only drive each other further from your original argument.
I have NEVER seen someone respond to an all caps rant with, ”You know what? You’ve made some really good points and I was completely wrong.” We’ve somehow conditioned ourselves to take part in this mindless activity like addicted rat s kicking the same lever thinking it’ll magically deliver food again. My next door neighbor Carol made an Instagram- or maybe it’s a Facegram now?- account back in 2022 to connect with fellow bird watchers.
Two years later and she’s averaging 4 hours A DAY convincing strangers why her view on geopolitical issues are correct. I told her this was probably not the best use of her golden years and was immediately met with “I am trying to do the best I can to fight!” Best fight? What is she fighting?
Who are we all fighting? Fight so hard that we forget how to just… you know, talk. We’ve allowed these online squabbles to bleed into our real-life interactions.
Take my friend Jennifer for example, who blocks people daily on Twitter now sees normal conversation as an opportunity to fight. It breaks my heart when I see this happen. Jennifer was at a dinner party and another guest happened to disagree with her movie preference.
“Well *clears throat* if you would’ve done your research,” she replied before going into a 5-minute rant we all know all too well from Twitter. We stared at each other, speechless. Right then I knew J2 (yes we call her J2 like she’s our soldier) lost her ability to have civil conversations because of social media.
Because believe me when I say these “arguments” come at you with a dictionary of cool new terms. “Gaslighting” has become any time someone disagrees with you, “toxic” is anyone who questions you, and “problematic” is used when it’s too hard to actually explain yourself. We’re politicking others into the ground with nonsense words and fighting with plastic swords.
And the most ironic warriors of all are the ones fighting against the fighting of others. About a year ago I casually stated my thought on a local restaurant’s review my city newspaper wrote. “Excited to try their ‘authentic’ Mexican food,” provoked a very upset individual to go off at me about how I was disrespecting Italians and their food.
My great grandmother was born in Italy, by the way. Go figure. I’ve tried many methods of coping with these arguments.
Some work and some don’t. Ignoring people when they yell is effective but very unsatisfying. Telling people the truth doesn’t work because most arguments online live in a reality where things are not true.
Humor can be great, but is often overused. You lose tone and subtlety in written words. My favorite thing to do is ask questions.
Asking someone “Why do you feel that way?” or “Can you further explain what you mean?” allows for actual conversation or uncovers their intentions behind their aggression. Unfortunately, most people argue online for the spectators. We’ve made arguments and debating into a spectacle where each side is busy ‘performing’ for the people watching instead of actually listening and caring about the topic at hand.
Playing into these discussions is exhausting, horribly ineffective, and terrifyingly addictive. We’re literally drinking a bottle of soda knowing there is absolutely no nutritional value and smiling as if we just drank from the fountain of youth. Soda is damn delicious but why do we torture ourselves like this?
Maybe we have this primal instinct to feel heard no matter what nonsense they are screaming. Or maybe, it’s a lot simpler – we like the feeling of getting likes, comments, or even dislikes. There is a deliciously sinister satisfaction that comes with looking at the world as black and white – good (us) vs evil (them).
Because of that, I always approach anyone I choose to converse with online like I just burned my hand on a hot stove for the 100th time. Scared to run back to it but know I have no other choice because OMG PIDGINS ONESIESS??! I still dip my toes into those malicious comment sections with the nicest of intentions and the calmest demeanor hoping people will change.
But I always walk away wondering why the hell I put myself through that torture.
‘Next time, I’ll just leave my damn computer.’ I tell myself. But you and me both know I won’t.
The high of debating against others is too strong, and the illusion of making a difference soothes the ego. I will continue to fight off trolls and the ever-Trumping warriors with nothing more than my words and my charm and dwindling sanity. And that’s okay, because when you look at the world as a whole, none of these arguments matter… Unless you’re wrong about banana bread.
Then bye Felicia.
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