Why Ive Started Viewing Sleep as an Alternate Universe Experience
Sleep has always been weird for me. Not insomnia weird—I’ve struggled with that too during my most intensive bouts of experimentation—but ontologically weird. You see,...
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Microwave Mishaps: The Tragic Tale of a Burnt Dinner
On Tuesday, I stared into my microwave and realized I have wasted my time and energy transforming a frozen lasagna into radioactive soup. The edges...
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Gym Time Gone Awry: Treadmills, Dance Floors, and Other Misadventures
Disclaimer: This membership was not gained through any self-transformative journeys, new years resolutions or life-coach mumbo jumbo. My doctor told me that I was overly...
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What Happened When I Measured the Entropy of My Living Room
The whole thing began with what seemed like a completely reasonable question in the wee hours of one morning. It was 3:47 AM. You know...
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Neighborhood Nosiness: When Suburban Life Feels Like a Reality Show
And just like that it happened again yesterday. I rolled my trash bin to the curb at 7: 58, ten minutes past my normal 7:30...
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How I Accidentally Created a New Species in My Compost Bin
It began innocently enough. Why waste food when you can compost it? Before I go on, let me just say that I consider myself to...
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Contactless Catastrophes: When Your Card Refuses to Tap In
For the first time the cashier gestured and said “just tap it” I had no idea what she was talking about. I held my card...
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Measuring My Worth in Step Count and Other Metrics of Self-Hatred
For a long time, I thought I was doing pretty well at being human. Living day to day, not totally sucking at adulting, occasionally calling...
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Elevator Escapades: Trapped in a Vertical Limbo
I remember taxis. Actual taxis, painted brilliant yellow and drivers who sat high upon their perches like gracious tyrants over this kingdom they ruled. You...
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My Collection of Journals Too Pretty to Actually Write In
Yesterday I bought another journal. I know. I have seventeen already – I counted them this morning. Actually sat down and counted them in a...
